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On Today's Episode:
Dating to have a long-term relationship means being intentional and doing things a little differently. Judging the success of your existing relationship on the passion you feel now and your ability to suppress your doubts and insecurities for the moment are not great long-term strategies for a successful relationship.
Let's get straight to the point and help you figure out what you'll need to start doing to have a healthier, happier, and longer lasting relationship with the right partner.
If you ever searched for relationship advice on YouTube chances are you've seen Matthew Hussey, the relationship guru appear in the search results. His YouTube channel and career has been dedicated to helping women Get the Guy by showing women how to rediscover their power so they can start dating from a place of empowerment, confidence, and security. His dating advice and approach to coaching people in relationships is real, raw, and honest.
Today he's talking with Tom and sharing 3 things everyone must know and account for if being with your partner for the long-haul is a goal. Between Matthews 15 plus years experience coaching women and Tom's 20 plus years of being successfully married, they are dropping gems you can't afford to miss.
SHOW NOTES:
0:00 | Introduction to Matthew Hussey
0:47 | 3 Ways to Fix Your Relationship (1:48)
15:33 | Secret to Making Each Other Happy
28:47 | The Right Relationship Is Hard Work
37:47 | Allow Space for Insecurities
46:57 | Break Your Emotional Patterns
53:14 | Do This To Stop Arguing Over B.S.
1:13:51 | Dating Differences for Men and Women
1:30:37 | Regret of Having Kids or Relationships?
QUOTES:
'Continuing to grow is one of the greatest challenges you can present.' [2:22]
'Respect your relationship and your partner enough to try, [...] to actually put in the effort with them that you put in with new people' [4:21]
'We have to be willing to give someone what they crave and need, not the thing that we really like giving.' [11:01]
'One of the greatest values that keeps a relationship going is teamwork, [...] We are a team in making each other as happy as possible. [21:03]
'To ignore the regrets or to simply pass them off is to not take the lesson with you.' [29:50]
'Our life gets better in direct proportion to the number of difficult conversations we're willing to have.' [30:45]
'If it's the right relationship the difference is you come out of that [hard] conversation stronger as a unit, that to me defines the right relationship [32:43]
'If you're on the receiving end of the wrong behavior, [...] I think that bringing your best to that moment is the greatest form of closure if the relationship ends.' [38:09]
'If you're in a fight, someone has triggered your insecurities.' Tom Bilyeu [58:00]
'All of us guys who go out into our lives with this kind of alpha energy, putting on a front and being a certain thing with all of our friends are so stripped bare by those arguments.' [59:22]
'With the person you're with, understand that it is as hard for them to shake that thing that you don't like that they do, as it is for you to shake that thing in you that you've spent your whole life trying to stop doing [1:09:42]
'You have to have a really difficult conversation with yourself and say, 'how essential is this to my being?' [...] you have to have a plan B that becomes your plan A.' [1:23:38]
'..date to date, fall in love to fall in love, so that they can experience a relationship organically instead of going with this enormous insecurity from the very beginning.' [1:27:20]
'There will be a regret either way, but which is the more powerful? It forces really honest questions, and they are questions that most of us want to hide until the last possible minute.' [1:32:57]
Follow Matthew Hussey:
Website: https://www.howtogettheguy.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/gettheguyteam
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thematthewhussey/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey/
Incredibly insightful and useful episode - Thank you Matt and Tom!
@rietterust9874 Says:
I am a hip 66 years old woman from South Africa. I have just published my sixth book. I never wanted children, but fell pregnant immediately after getting married. I nearly killed myself. I wanted a career. Today I have both. I cannot imagine my life without my two girls. Especially after their father's suicide. When a young person says I don't want kids, they have no idea what their offsprings mean later in life. And also how you as an older person can influence their lives. I never wanted a grandchild either. But now he has enriched my life. Young people, please think twice. My kids change my life every day. They actually give meaning to why I am here.
@hinkrakagaming5532 Says:
"During the week I'm either working or working out, I'm not a husband during the week..." - this sounds incredibly unhealthy..
@jademeiklejohn8526 Says:
Fantastic content
@oliver7011 Says:
Finally a Mathew Hussy interview or video that I like, why? Because he isn't pandering to women only, but talking to everyone. Thanks, finally I feel inclined with Mathews audience.
@masarozman5771 Says:
OMG ITS HARRY POTTER
@Neil-Daimond Says:
Yep, the cup of tea story says so much. Good man, cheers.
@janronk6360 Says:
People change overtime and so it’s always interesting to look for things they they develop an interest in that you can share and let them bring some interest to the table too
@rubenGmoney Says:
This guy is a lame simp.
@melel527 Says:
What is going on.. watching this guy (Tom) speak is literally making me nauseous.
@janronk6360 Says:
Excuse me, he had two children with his wife, and one child is a prostitute, who later became the last colonial governor of New Jersey
@makishoshi Says:
At 20:40.... that is my main problem. It kills me. I asked him to do the kids breakfast so I could sleep 30 min more since I work until late. He did it for a week and 2 days. Then one day he slept in and had to go to work. The next day slept in again and that was it. Also I said our youngest needs to eat less carbs because of some health issues and when my husband cooks its 3 or 4 carbs on the plate. I mean if he doesn't do it for me shouldn't he be able to do it at least for the kids?
@DEEP_PRACTICE Says:
This discussion is full of so many amazing practical insights, thank-you both🙏
@wingsphysio Says:
Matthew’s so cute 🥰
@monabur Says:
Wow, I love this. If some women doubt that there are good men - look at these two ♡♡♡ sending love to you both:)
@cosmicorder9559 Says:
Two hurt kids talking about their wounds and make money off of youtube viewers! how contradictory they are and how they are exactly what they tell other people to avoid! They are immature kids who know howto verbalise it well and make money out of it. We all have wounds but we do not advise and set examples. they should heal themselves before telling othes how to deal with relationships!
@gregodonnell8469 Says:
You can see in his eyes that little by little, Tom is painfully regretting not having children.
@mmuriel511 Says:
My son is my rock. Whether he is here or there, whether I talk to him every day or once a month. I would've chosen to be a single mother, and I did. I lost interest or dropped the ball on the relationship. I do want a partner im in love with or just a series of close relationships that I can then move into a solid friendship. I had my son young, get along well with my exes nut I refused marriage three times. I just saw my mothers struggle and didn't agree with her choosing my father all the time, and he always chose other women in front of all of us. So, to me, marriage was like agreeing to being grossly less than everyone else in a home unit. I want to be the priority, and when Im not, then I want to phase the relationship into a friendship. My focus now is having financial freedom, self care, travel, and having life experiences. Im open for love if they bring to the table what brings me joy or at least peace and security. He was spot on with the power imbalance when you are young and trying to have a child and pick the right man. Im glad I had my son. It was something I always felt like I would regret, but now I know it's my biggest blessing. He is my compass, even though I live a very independent and active life. It's like having your own best friend, but way closer.
@AndyHartleyComedy Says:
I wasn't a fan of Harry Potter but it's great to see a personal side of a professional actor.
@darlenedavis9409 Says:
Great podcast. I’m also wondering if your wife feels the same about kids. She was never mentioned around it.
I have friends who chose to not have kids. It’s a individual choice.
@youlaism Says:
He talks a lot about mystery, chase , etc. Well how should the person who has problems with health in life, that all the time finishes in hospital, to pretend to create some mystery? What if the person is completely alone and need help?
@youlaism Says:
He talks a lot about mystery, chase , etc. Well how should the person who has problems with health in life, that all the time finishes in hospital, to pretend to create some mystery? What if the person is completely alone and need help?
@alainahall... Says:
Love this!
@christycraigmusic Says:
I have a horrible horrible memory too…… very stressful. Mind can just go blank. Bothersome as well ! Thank you for sharing your vulnerability ….
@kelseyjanae1 Says:
Everyone should learn Transcendental Meditation.
@suttonfarms2343 Says:
Minute 36-ish......yes, yes and yes. Love it. So insightful.
@lottotv4959 Says:
Matthew certainly have interesting message to send around to others but the way he is presenting his message is so boring and dull, I fell a sleep while listening to this podcast which is is something unusual for me.
@kevd2448 Says:
To rich guys talking crap.
@kevd2448 Says:
Has this guy ever struggled in life ??? 😂 bet he wouldnt be so chipper born black or in poverty. Actually both guys
@movingthroughlifewithdusti6895 Says:
Lame
@williamsandbach4058 Says:
I really appreciated Matthew's insight- especially the story of the sleepover with his brothers and the idea of using a memory like that as a pattern breaker. Also how when we are triggered and are in "a state" and can't let go of it- for her to realize I'm not pushing her away, I'm actually desperate for her to love me in this moment, instead of reacting or withdrawing from me. Such an incredible interview with so much incredible relationship wisdom. Thanks
@nlbite Says:
Just had to correct Tom on something he said cuz I'm a bit of a history nerd. Benjamin Franklin did indeed have children. He actually had a son named William who was a loyalist to the English crown. The two of them had a falling out because they found themselves on opposite sides of the Revolutionary war.
@russellheyns1846 Says:
Ben Franklin did have kids. He had a daughter. But he was a pretty shitty dad…and husband. He spent most of marriage and fatherhood living in England while his family was back in the US. But overall a great convo y’all posted here.
@sneaky_af Says:
wow that was deep. listening and giving what they need and want from you and not what you want to give.
@JuXuS1 Says:
perhaps there are some different social positions in humans like in ants. perhaps some are made to be fathers some are made to be supportive as aunts and uncles. i don't know - it just crossed my mind.
@sophiashekinah9872 Says:
There's a vulnerability in revealing exactly how we can be manipulated, and a strength in doing so anyway.
@Me913ry50n Says:
I'm literally throwing the keys to my kingdom but my husband breaks the gate and burge in, then gone like a whirlwind...🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
@RobertoRiosbiz Says:
I seen Matthew being interviewed by so many other people, but this interview is my favorite one .
Your personal stories turned it into a whole different experience .
I feel like I learned just as much about relationships from you as I did from him.
Thanks so much for being you.
@serialmigrant Says:
Choosing your regret is a framework Ive used numerous times when faced with a tough life decision. I use the question "would I rather". "Would i rather have kids, even if alone" or "would i rather be in a greay relationship with no kids, and be the great aunt"
@Davisthewonderdog Says:
Remembering occasions is an easy fix...put it on your calender ! A month ahead 2 weeks ahead one week ahead 2 days ahead the day of. Dumping it on her, IS showing YOU are choosing to abdicate YOUR personal responsibility.
You have a phone , it has an alarm ⏰, use it.
No excuses...
Make it important, don't push that off onto another. If you push it off on her, you ARE saying, it isn't important to YOU !
It isn't about memory...it is about PRIORITY !
@sonyagair1219 Says:
I see very lonely days ahead for those without kids. Yes, kids grow up and move out and have their own lives, but depending on your relationship with your kids, they will always be there and then grandkids. No where in any person's life will you receive the unconditional love as a child's love! ❤️ This comes from a single mother of 3 daughters. My twins are 27, and both getting married themselves.
@samanthaallen9986 Says:
Thank you both for giving women a taste of what a healthy relationship looks like with a man who is emotional intelligent. Unfortunately my 25 year marriage is coming to an end, but I have hope that there are others that have the same mindset as both of you. Thank you
@VoiceOfMindfulnessASMR Says:
Wow! I have the same memory recall problem than both of you guys ! Let's form a club ☺️
Seriously I'm happy that I'm not the only one 🙏
@dereksniper Says:
Offsetting of the video and the adds volumes is going to blow my eardrums
@barrycavett8977 Says:
What if what your partner wants is phone calls every morning and night (to feel secure in the relationship), but she doesn't feel the need to answer/respond to those except every once in awhile (with the excuse of being 'busy'). I have expressed that ignoring these communications does not motivate me to keep doing that, yet she will continue to do so. I don't believe I'm being unreasonable and that the reciprocity is lacking on her end. Anyone have advice on this?
@turidtelefonbeskjed7247 Says:
Great !
@AlchemicalSovereignty Says:
Do you have any advice for demonstrating love to partners that have extremely high expectations and value a clean home? I am full-time with a toddler and full-time in a doctoral degree. I don’t have the energy to give up the few minutes of unobligated free time I have to “go look for dust.”
@MsMarmolade Says:
The comparison to heroin made this concept so crystal clear.
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