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On Today's Episode:
Either you or someone you know is dealing with illness on some level. Whether it's an autoimmune condition, metabolic disorder, or mental health crisis, it's hard to escape the reality of how sick our society has become and so we've normalized our lack of health and made it the new norm without really questioning why.
In our fast-paced technological world where medical breakthroughs are more common it feels like we're further from a solution than when we started or we're just solving for problems we've been creating and consequently we're farther from optimal health than ever before. At what cost is all this happening?
Dr. Gabor Mate is a world renowned trauma and addiction expert with over 40 years experience and respect looking at how trauma has been affecting us from childhood long into our adult years. Today he's discussing The Myth of Normal, also the title of his latest book on trauma, illness, and healing in a toxic culture. From the very beginning Gabor exposes the myth and explains why this new norm we've accepted is actually making us sick.
Between exposing how trauma in our childhood and suppressed anger lead to autoimmune diseases and how our adaptive responses to bad parenting decisions cause a plethora of problems in our adult lives, Gabor Mate is laying down food for thought that will shift the way you see everything.
Check out Gabor Mate's latest book, The Myth of Normal, Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture: https://amzn.to/3RQl0rg
SHOW NOTES:
0:00 | Introduction to Gabor Mate
0:39 | What Is the Myth of Normal
6:20 | Authenticity & Attachment
10:37 | Boundaries For Unconditional Love
19:45 | Nature's Agenda for Humans
30:50 | Best Human Conditions to Thrive
36:36 | Stop Suppressing Healthy Anger
47:39 | Depression & Disconnection
53:32 | Emotional Regulation to Trauma
59:46 | Breaking Traumatic Cycles
1:12:35 | Healing Childhood Adaptations
1:23:50 | Conditions of Unconditional Love
1:27:14 | Changing an Unhealthy Culture
QUOTES:
'In this culture the norm is neither healthy nor is it natural, in fact the norm I think is making us sick.' [0:56]
'Illness in this society given the conditions is a normal response to an abnormal circumstance.' [1:11]
'That means we have to be in touch with our gut feelings and our emotions and to be true to them, and so what we need is relationships is which we can be true to ourselves, that's a directive.' [4:25]
'When you suppress your emotions you're suppressing your immune system as well.' [5:55]
'Infant is an expectation for unconditional acceptance. [...] We evolved as expectations for certain conditions. The less a society meets those conditions the more toxic it becomes…' [7:56]
'You can set boundaries through just love, through relationship, through example, it doesn't have to involve force and it certainly doesn't have to involve physical force.' [13:26]
'You may know on some level that your parents love you because they feed you, they hug you, but at the same time these people that love you are deeply hurting you, that's traumatic.' [18:38]
'Wealth is defined as a set of social connections rather than a set of physical possessions.' [27:55]
'In this society, it's the worst of us that get nourished and the best of us that gets suppressed.' [30:56]
'Not feeling your anger was an adaptation to your childhood where the anger wasn't permitted. That emotional physiological effort to repress anger takes a toll on the nervous system and the immune system. It's a major role in disease ' [42:10]
'Healthy anger is a boundary defense.' [44:15]
'When you suppress the emotions, you're also suppressing the immune system.' [45:42]
'Trauma is an imprint that makes you react to the present like you're still a child, [...] it's automatic, it's unwilled…' [55:39]
'What stresses people are a loss of control, uncertainty, conflict and lack of information.' [1:05:15]
'Having love for a person doesn't mean that you're going to put up with everything that they do, [...] we have to draw our boundaries, but the question is how do we draw our boundaries and in what spirit and with what intention?' [1:24:41]
'Why should we settle for the worst versions of ourselves…' [1:33:13]
Follow Gabor Mate:
Website: https://drgabormate.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsRF06lSFA8zV9L8_x9jzIA
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gabormatemd/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/drgabormate
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drgabormate
What do you think is the biggest issue we face in society today? Drop a comment below!
@gelarer Says:
❤
@christinarodriguez7241 Says:
It’s validating to know Dr. Maté acknowledges the fact that he was once reacted as a child in expressing his anger. I’m seeing that now in myself.
@CameronVaughn-l9x Says:
“We were NEVER meant to be nuclear families,” and this is exactly my belief. It was NEVER my intention to become a SINGLE parent household, but I chose it over raising my sons to be abusive men.
@CameronVaughn-l9x Says:
When fathers are abandoned from their children, or fathers neglect their children, it is the children who have to pick up the most slack. You cause more harm to the children, than the other parent.
@chrishostetler3576 Says:
Why are we biasing for aboriginal tribes with this worldview? Why would we favor groups that have not advanced?
@SifuPaul-Martialmindmastery Says:
Gabor Mate is brilliant. Great interview. His advice on parenting is also spot on.
@gelwitme Says:
speak your kids language..meet them where theyre at and respond with true love wisdom and care?
@esterm.durante1898 Says:
No hay traducción al castellano, es realmente una pena, ya que los aportes del de. Matte son muy valiosos.
@lashuellas_delalmaenterrada Says:
''What you resist persists.''
The more we fight our nature and traumas, the more force we allow for it to generate within our psyches, not in a very pleasant way also.
The more we repeat this, the sicker we become as a whole/collective/society.
Repression is never the answer.
The answer is within, in the deeper layers of our souls.
''He who looks inside awakens, he who looks outside dreams.''
Hope you can find it there.
Peace.
@SpriteoftheDnieper Says:
Spanking is child abuse, full stop. Much of what he says is true. But books like “Hunt Gather Parent” talk about these tribal parenting techniques. Children naturally do want to mimic parents. But you will sometimes have to lovingly set boundaries, because toddlers will break them just to get a reaction (if they can). For anyone reading, the book talks about both how to change your lifestyle and perspective to minimize any conflict, but also how to set those boundaries in a kind way. Thankfully I read it before my toddler entered toddlerdom, but it’s made for a mutually joyful and harmonious toddler-mother life :) If you aren’t raised with a healthy model, books like “The Nurture Revolution” and “Hunt Gather Parent” help fill in those gaps!
@SheepDoG24-7 Says:
This guy is not realistic in the parenting roles with many blanket statements. I think people just like his voice
@SheepDoG24-7 Says:
This dude does not have a clue
@SG-ce7ji Says:
❤❤❤❤❤
@Shirley-v3g Says:
Let’s start by realizing our own limitations - as damaged goods - are not equipped (emotionally) to become a parent - and there is no law compelling anyone to marry or become a parent /
I believe in healing yourself first… and becoming productive and healthy.. over time - life is not a race ! Just my own thoughts….
@gf5914 Says:
The interviewer is not learning.
@Marekxxk Says:
Phenomenal
@lab-9094 Says:
Hello Tom. Very interesting interview. Thanks for sharing it with everyone.
I noticed that you interrupted Gabor multiple times talking over him when he wasn't done yet with his point. I feel that it might be better to jot down these comments and bring them up after he finishes speaking. Cheers
@lah1743 Says:
Being a mom was probably the only real good thing I've done. People criticized the way I raised my child, but I carried, never punished, and gave whatever I could. My daughter and I now are a team, and she is confident, and all what I wished for for her, a force to contend with, kind, and respectful to others. Who she is is her doing, not mine. She tells me, you had to have a bad mom, to learn how to be a good mom. I'm so glad she understands.
@carriannegreyeyes4990 Says:
Love love love. I'm so happy hearing this because it reinforces how I live my life.😁
@SendU2Jesus Says:
Huh. Turns out shaming others is pretty detrimental to society as a whole.
@spacetimegeezy Says:
It’s not the modern world it’s late stage capitalism
@mrmcgooo3198 Says:
1 question, does this guy have children? I would love to hear their view of him as a parent. I love Starbucks and Dr office talk. In theory it may or may not work. He is talking semantics about hitting and spanking. I guess there is no consequences for actions. Haha this guy lives in fantasy land!!!!!!
@jimcunningham9975 Says:
In theory what hes saying is alright it's more complex the further advanced Humans get with progress and today's kid see a different type of attachment reward
@waynesutherland-rs6ct Says:
watch animals care for there offspring
@JeanValJean-t2j Says:
It is fear of the unknowen that the poison
@ancientstonesrocksart Says:
Yeah I am lonely and addicted and lost this is true.
@fwdkad4001 Says:
My favourite psycologist since 2008
@blessbrian1295 Says:
As an African. Spanking is way of life and we grow up in it. I think I am who I am today because of spanking and I thank my parents for it.
@EdaurdoCruz-k4e Says:
We are born by our self and die by our self, if you believe in god , then he’s not as powerful as we believe. Just live your life that best you can, there’s years I’ve gone with ou a female companion, it is what it is. If I die alone so be it. But to sit and complain and not do or try to get what you want , that’s cowardly. You are listening to this guy whom in a different time would be considered week but now we’ve been fooled into listening to he’s weak points of views . You’re born you die , you decide how you live in between
@xiko_campos Says:
Honestly this video's content just doesn't match the title whatsoever.
@peterorzol Says:
Sir this man's research has opened up my eyes to the years of trauma and emotions that suppress. The moment I started addressing these issues Dr Gabor Monte is talking about and started being authentic and honest with myself in my life has done a 180. Now all I want is more and more knowledge on this subject and the way he approaches it. I just can't get enough.
@RussMize Says:
The key word for us males is "detachment" which played a major role in Trump wining swing sate votes thanks to Democratic Party parading two "termites" in Kamala's campaign. Oprah and Joy Behar. both know as "termites" IE destroy wood.. AKA the male voter demographic. Just hearing their name spoken invokes onset "erectile dysfunction" metaphorically. Us males are living out our existence much like 19th Century women did. We are now relegated to also-rans among our human species. WE collectively endorse "black lives matter" but we don't have a "male lives matter" analogue. We are a socially constructed inferior human. Thus, we are detached... feel less than equal.. just like the ethnicity disadvantaged, That social dynamic when combined with our Childhood Emotional Neglect.
@davidnorton7437 Says:
Not Christian men!
@robertdabob8939 Says:
The point on generational trauma and the 'sins of the father' just after 1:00 makes a lot of sense, especially when you understand how that traumatized or dissociated state - in other words one marked by an emotionally unconscious state - relates to the concept of sin in it's proper context. All negative human behavior arises from a state of unconsciousness. It's what makes the narcissist a narcissist. In fact, the devil contrasted against Christ also represents this state. In darkness/animal like = unconscious; primitive in nature. In light/awareness/the capacity for empathy = conscious; transcendent of our animalistic nature.
Unconsciousness - A state of psychic functioning marked by lack of control over the instincts and identification with complexes.
“The sin to be repented is, of course, unconsciousness.” CG Jung, Aion
"Unconsciousness is the primal sin, evil itself, for the Logos." - CG Jung [“Psychological Aspects of the Mother Archetype,” ibid., par. 178.]
@henriquebayma817 Says:
What a great interview, great questions, great answers!
@frictionhitch Says:
The biggest cultural myth is that fathers don't love their children. Sorry to break it to you but if we didn't love you the human race would have never made it.
@frictionhitch Says:
How could men matter if they have to spend over 100,000 dollars just to see their children? How could men matter when women are allowed to disregard court orders with impunity? I haven't even spoken to my son on the phone for over a month. He probably thinks that I'm having fun. He probably has no idea that I miss him. Women and mothers are the problem and they use the courts to enforce their power over the family. I'm tired of this nonsense where we pretend that divorced mothers sacrifice so much. Divorced dads have the receipts. If your wife cheats on you then that doesn't just ruin your relationship. If you refuse to accept it she will punish you by severing the relationship with the people you love the most, your children. She'll make up every justification in the world and the truth doesn't matter because she has the correct genitals and you don't.
@fernandoalegria4240 Says:
We as a culture have produced the most ignorant people in the world. We are fools.
@0ut0fafricaa Says:
Loneliness is a choice. If you accept it, it's not loneliness. It's solitude.
@themaster2898 Says:
Every human beings must read the life of Jurgen Bartsch who caused the deaths of 4 children. And you'll notice something important.
@jayhadcock8767 Says:
Man I knew all this never hit your kid never let them have enough spacecto come to terms with life living help when reached for and teach them of faith Jesus when times right then lead by example it's pretty self explaining !!! NEVER HIT PEOPLE TEACH YOUR CHILDREN WELL 😊
@JarvisGandy Says:
Stop communism problem solved then we can get back to Real science and Real Heath for humanity .
@vhjmvn Says:
Biyeu's ad interrupting Dr. Maté shows that he is only play acting in this so-called interview. He hasn't done anything with what Matë told him, only pretending he was listening. Al this he clearly does for his pown glory and profit. Like most modern western whites, all he tries is to get a rise out of his "companion" whom he never sees as s companion but as a competitor.
Now contrast that to the soft and gentle way Maté lets him play his siklly one-upmanship-game to give him a chance to grow. Well, as a colleague of Dr. Maré I can tell you that he lost his chance.
@briandonovan9091 Says:
When Nixon sic'ed the DEA on hippies and we let them, we lost.
@SeantheRD Says:
I think he's over simplifying petersons advice and taking it out of context
@davidnorton7437 Says:
Just another consequence of Godlessness.
@ToddDavis-p3u Says:
This "Modern World" isn't modern. It's going backwards.
@graymoody1429 Says:
"If a flower bloomed in a dark room, would you trust it?..." - Kendrick Lamar
@ChrisMays-j3g Says:
I been alone 14 yrs so far with our love 47 yrs at a point it don't matter nomore after going so long without it, you just want to get right with God and leave this existence.
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